The Four Keys to Self-Compassion
- Realizing that if we are feeling sorry for ourselves , we will not generate self compassion. We need to step out of victim consciousness ( where we give our power away and then blame and resent others for not “taking care of us”, not meeting our needs). Or alternately we blame, judge, criticize,condemn, shame and “guilt” ourselves. Life is challenging , most of it not in our control. When we can let go of the illusion of control, and accept that we are doing the best we can, then we can more kind and compassionate with ourselves.
- Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Whenever we start comparing we are judging and criticizing others, and then we inevitably end judging and criticizing ourselves- where we don’t “measure up”. When we are harsh with ourselves, or others ( any judgement and self criticism -is destructive), we put ourselves in an emotionally painful, vulnerable place.
- The “heart” of Self Compassion is that we all need acceptance, love, tenderness, and compassion. We need to develop a daily, lifelong practice of being kind to ourselves, forgiving, and compassionate to ourselves. This is involves self talk that is gentle and kind ( the way we talk to our best friend, or our child if they were hurting, stung by the criticism or rejection of others, or experiencing shame).
- Feel it. Most of us just numb our feelings and as a result don’t allow ourselves to feel the effect of others behavior and words or are so conditioned and numb to our own internal judgements and criticisms. When we feel the feelings, feel the effect of destructive behaviors and words- only then can we bring compassion, tenderness, kindness and compassion to/for ourselves.
At the core of transforming from victim consciousness to authentic consciousness- is truly accepting that you are “enough.” By definition , enough implies that nothing more can or need be added. In our Seminars and coaching we always work on this core issue, knowing that with accepting that we are enough , we can use our power to live constructively ( vs. the destructiveness of victim consciousness). It is only then that WE work to meet our needs instead of relying on others to do so. Self Compassion and Self Love are the antidotes for all the disturbing experiences, feelings, thoughts , and necessary to change any negative beliefs about ourselves.
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