• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

CEO Divorce Coach HomepageCEO Divorce Coach

Personalized, One-on-One Support for Professionals Dealing with Divorce

  • Home
  • 1-on-1 CEO Program
  • About
  • Articles
  • Contact
  • Self Test

Children and the Impact of Conflict

December 20, 2019 by Nick Meima

What About the Children? Children of Divorce.

Children of divorce are profoundly affected when their parents are in conflict. They are dependent on parents for well-being and survival and are helpless to resolve any of their issues. They often feel responsible for the divorce. It is true that children are resilient, and we often hear, “Don’t worry about the kids; they’ll bounce back.”

When parents get separated or divorced, most of the child’s world is turned upside down. They have to contend with going between the two parents’ homes. They often have to change schools. In one home they have their pet. One parent is more permissive or tolerant. Often children get emotionally neglected or pushed aside as a result of the parents’ emotional turmoil.

Both parents are typically unstable for a period of time as they adjust to their new life. Often parents underestimate how much time healing takes and begin dating very soon after the divorce. And the children are quickly introduced to their new “friend.” More complicated is when the parents have “sleepovers”- while the children are in the home.

Very frequently one or both of the parents will criticize or judge the other to the children. To belittle, criticize, gossip about, or malign your “ex” is extremely upsetting for the children. Unfortunately, some parents persist in making comments that are destructive to the parent/child relationship. Not only does it erode a sense of trust and security that children need, it also leads to anxiety, depression, and often medical problems develop.

If even one parent is able to regain their emotional footing, some essential stability can be set in place for the children. We teach the 10 Week Rebuilding Series to help adults deal with a relationship ending in order to help with the healing process which is necessary for moving on with their lives.

Children of Divorce

Although not everyone has children, we are all affected when the children suffer.

The 10 Week Rebuilding Series is designed to help all adults who are dealing with the end of their relationship. Our goal is to “get you back on their feet” as quickly as possible. Over the last 30 years, tens of thousands of people have participated in the classes and have gained the insights, awareness, and support needed to be able to move ahead in ways that just going to therapy could not. Unfortunately, most people cannot afford therapy, which is what’s recommended for help with some of the deeper issues to further help with moving forward.  Our seminar is affordable and arguably the best way to move past denial and avoid getting stuck in the victim stage.

There is hope. There is support. And there is a way through the pain! Join us and begin Rebuilding today. Registration is Open.

Filed Under: Blog, Children and the Impact of Conflict, Divorce, Rebuilding Tagged With: children, conflict, divorce

March 21, 2018 by Nick Meima Leave a Comment

13 Ways to Help Children Cope with Divorce

Children take divorce just as hard as their parents.

Not only is the life of the parent changing, but the child’s life has been turned completely upside down. Each child handles divorce differently and it is important for both parents to help them through it. Some children will act out in negative ways, others will internalize their feelings and become angry, and some might act as though everything is fine. The way children handle it directly relates to how the parents are handling it.

There are ways you can help your child or a child you know through a divorce. Know that they cannot do it alone. Divorce is considered a traumatic life-changing experience and when children go through it, it changes who they are.

Children: In the Beginning

  • Together tell your children that the relationship is over. Let them know that it was not sustainable anymore. Refrain from using the word “work” – work implies that if you worked harder, you would have remained married.
  • Make sure your children know that your relationship ending is not their responsibility or their fault. It’s important to remind them that there was nothing they did or didn’t do to cause it and there is nothing they can do to make it work.
  • Make sure your children’s teachers are aware of the relationship-ending. They’ll be more sensitive to changes in your child’s attitude or mood and can help them work through this traumatic change in their life.

Children: During the Divorce

  • Consider rotating the parents, not the children. Allow the kids to stay in the house where they live and rotate the parents.
  • It is very disruptive to a child’s life to have to change homes. In order to make it less chaotic, have clothing, school supplies, favorite games and stuffed animals at each home. It makes packing up to go from home to home easier for them. Every child wants and needs to feel comfort and familiarity during this transitional time.
  • Never criticize or demean the other parent no matter how you feel, and even if the other parent is criticizing you. Criticizing the other parent undermines a child’s sense that their parents loved each other when they were conceived.

Children: After the Divorce

  • Get support. There are programs available online and in-person for parents. Therapy can help both children and parents. Parents who are devastated by the ending of a relationship can struggle with depression, anxiety, alcoholism or other addictions, and out-of-control emotions.
  • Children need to have a stable home after a traumatic experience so it’s important that parents are able to control their emotions around their children.
  • Plan fun activities to reinforce the view that life is still good and you can still have fun even after a divorce.
  • Don’t date for a while. The focus is on stabilizing your relationship with your kids and they need to hold on to you during this time.
  • When you do date, focus on whether the person you are dating could be a good stepparent. Blending into a family is extraordinarily difficult. Most people do not have the emotional stability, intelligence or commitment to be a good stepparent.
  • Educate yourself about step parenting and make sure to consult with professionals who have experience working with blended families.
  • Do not introduce the person you are dating to your kids until you’re sure it’s serious.

Children struggle through divorce much the same way as the parents do. They lose focus and motivation. Their attention wanders—they find themselves unsure of what to do next. They don’t know where to get their love from. They draw pictures that are lacking one parent or have four parents and many stick-figure children representing a blended family. If your child tells you they’re doing “fine” after a divorce, dig deeper. If you weren’t fine … neither are they.

Filed Under: Children and the Impact of Conflict, Divorce, Emotional Pain

January 12, 2018 by Nick Meima Leave a Comment

10 Ways to Help Support a Friend Through Divorce

help

I had no idea how to help as I watched my best friend go through a divorce. What could I say or do to make things better? I felt useless as I could only imagine how she was feeling.

Most people will shy away from uncomfortable situations, especially very emotional situations believing that the person involved in the emotional situation needs time to themselves. In the case of divorce, this is definitely not the case.

As an adult, it is hard to reach out to others for help, especially when your self-esteem is shattered. Here are 10 ways you can help a friend going through a divorce or the end of a relationship—before it happens, as it is happening and then after. [Read more…] about 10 Ways to Help Support a Friend Through Divorce

Filed Under: Blog, Children and the Impact of Conflict, Divorce, Emotional Pain

Primary Sidebar

How CEOs can Prevent Divorce from Wrecking their Lives – FREE AUDIO

Major benefit/change they'll experience from downloading and listening to the free audio

Footer

"As a surgeon, I was desperate to find a way to cope with my divorce. My confidence was undermined. My performance in the operating room, and my interactions with patients, staff and colleagues were all deteriorating. Fortunately a friend recommended Nick’s work. The process started getting easier almost right away. The difference between where I am now vs where I started from is like night and day." — CEO Divorce Support Client

Call Nick at 720-524-3664

Email Nick

© 2023  ·  CEO Divorce Coach  ·  All Rights Reserved

Site by: DOiNG GOOD Branding and Website Design for Wellness Brands