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Rebuilding

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Effects of Divorce in the Workplace

The effects of divorce in the workplace are staggering. Employees struggling through a divorce are often tardy or miss work and have poor performance and lower productivity than their colleagues. And, though they may be at work, they’re often absent mentally, emotionally and creatively.

Harvard Business Review estimated that presenteeism costs American business $150 billion annually. Distracted employees represent a significant cost to a company attempting to reach its goals, and to make wise and well-informed decisions that affect the bottom line.

Numerous studies have found a causal link between lowered productivity with divorce issues often stretching into months and years. The financial toll it takes on a company is immense.

The effects of divorce also cause elevated stress and anxiety levels which can lead to poor health and increased healthcare costs for the employee and the company.

How Employers Can Help

If you have an employee struggling with the end of a relationship, it’s important to offer them support. Talk to them directly. Strategize solutions that will help with maintaining their workload. Nip office gossip in the bud. Allow flex hours so they can attend a divorce support program or legal appointments, or pick a sick child up from school.

An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that offers therapy can be helpful but, it can only do so much to minimize the effects of divorce in the workplace. The five to six therapy sessions approved by the typical EAP just aren’t effective enough to get a person past the divorce crisis. When an employee doesn’t get help, it’s a given that their work performance will suffer; they may get depressed or choose substances to cope, and their work relationships typically suffer.

The 10-Week Rebuilding Program

After Divorce Support offers a 10-week Rebuilding program based on proven techniques for ending a relationship and building a new life. This program is available online and in-person—whether individual or in a group format—to help minimize the effects of divorce. Divorce support groups allow a person to get back on their feet more quickly than traditional therapy and this degree of stability will reflect in their work.

Typically, it costs more for an employer to subsidize individual therapy sessions than it does the cost of the 10-week Rebuilding program. It’s been our experience that 10 weeks of Rebuilding does more for a person than a year of therapy and the results are phenomenally different.

Take the examples of Adam and Keri. Adam is a customer service manager at a high-tech company. Keri is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Both served with divorce papers at work and immediately fell apart. Unable to make strategically sound and timely decisions they’re challenged while in the midst of the divorce upheaval. Divorce in the workplace causes emotional unraveling at a minimum and depression is the worst-case scenario.

Offering the 10-week Rebuilding program to an employee—who can participate online from the comfort and privacy of their own home—is the only proven option available to help minimize the effects of divorce. Rebuilding is effective in the short-term whereas therapy often is not. The groundbreaking Rebuilding work helps people successfully cope with the end of a relationship by facing their “stumbling blocks” rather than repeatedly tripping over them.

As a relationship and divorce support coach, we offer the 10-week Rebuilding program to those struggling with divorce. Please contact us to add this powerful and life-changing program to your EAP toolbox. If you’re an employee struggling with divorce, please consider Rebuilding; it truly is life-changing.

Nick Meima is a Divorce Support Coach with decades of experience coaching men and women through the challenges of a relationship ending. Contact Nick for a free consultation at [email protected] or visit AfterDivorceSupport.com.

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What About the Children? Children of Divorce.

Children of divorce are profoundly affected when their parents are in conflict. They are dependent on parents for well-being and survival and are helpless to resolve any of their issues. They often feel responsible for the divorce. It is true that children are resilient, and we often hear, “Don’t worry about the kids; they’ll bounce back.”

When parents get separated or divorced, most of the child’s world is turned upside down. They have to contend with going between the two parents’ homes. They often have to change schools. In one home they have their pet. One parent is more permissive or tolerant. Often children get emotionally neglected or pushed aside as a result of the parents’ emotional turmoil.

Both parents are typically unstable for a period of time as they adjust to their new life. Often parents underestimate how much time healing takes and begin dating very soon after the divorce. And the children are quickly introduced to their new “friend.” More complicated is when the parents have “sleepovers”- while the children are in the home.

Very frequently one or both of the parents will criticize or judge the other to the children. To belittle, criticize, gossip about, or malign your “ex” is extremely upsetting for the children. Unfortunately, some parents persist in making comments that are destructive to the parent/child relationship. Not only does it erode a sense of trust and security that children need, it also leads to anxiety, depression, and often medical problems develop.

If even one parent is able to regain their emotional footing, some essential stability can be set in place for the children. We teach the 10 Week Rebuilding Series to help adults deal with a relationship ending in order to help with the healing process which is necessary for moving on with their lives.

Children of Divorce

Although not everyone has children, we are all affected when the children suffer.

The 10 Week Rebuilding Series is designed to help all adults who are dealing with the end of their relationship. Our goal is to “get you back on their feet” as quickly as possible. Over the last 30 years, tens of thousands of people have participated in the classes and have gained the insights, awareness, and support needed to be able to move ahead in ways that just going to therapy could not. Unfortunately, most people cannot afford therapy, which is what’s recommended for help with some of the deeper issues to further help with moving forward.  Our seminar is affordable and arguably the best way to move past denial and avoid getting stuck in the victim stage.

There is hope. There is support. And there is a way through the pain! Join us and begin Rebuilding today. Registration is Open.

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7 Ways to Improve Your Self-Image During Divorce

The first struggle which often accompanies stressful times is a poor self-image. Taking care of yourself and starting each day looking nice is a rare occurrence when you’re feeling emotionally shattered. It is only natural that you are going to feel sad and upset. You may have a hard time moving forward. The important thing is that you take care of yourself.

Here are 7 ways to jumpstart improving your self-image

  1. Begin a New Hobby. Consider hiking, biking, cycling, swimming, reading, dancing, cooking, sewing, crafting, painting, writing, blogging, etc. Choose something you’ve always wanted to do and which will have a positive impact on your self-image. Hobbies are a wonderful way to get out of the house and interact with people who have the same passions as you.
  2. Exercise. A recreation class is an ideal way to get out of the house and rev up your metabolism. Working out will help you feel good about yourself while improving your health. Many workout classes are also a great way to meet new friends.
  3. Get Dressed! Men: Shave! Women: Use a bit of make-up! Your self-esteem barometer will soar! Take time to care about what you look like by making the effort to look good every day even if you’re unsure what your plans are.
  4. Invest in a clothing subscription service. Divorce is a highly transitional time in life. It’s important to dress appropriately for every occasion – especially if you don’t feel like it. Your budget may have changed when your relationship changed and investing in a  clothing subscription service such as Le Tote can ensure you have fresh wardrobe options. Wearing nice clothing every single day will increase your self-image and how others view you, too.
  5. Maintain a healthy diet. It is very easy to visit a drive-thru to avoid cooking dinner at home. Don’t fall into this routine. Make a trip to the grocery store and seek out healthy foods you can eat on-the-go. If you don’t feel like making dinner, pick up a pre-made salad, a container of organic soup and some dinner rolls. There are healthy protein bars you can find in the natural and organic aisle, too. Choosing to eat a healthy breakfast and pack a lunch for work is an ideal way to keep costs down and improve your health at the same time.
  6. Reach out to old and new friends. Keeping in touch with friends is very important during a time of change and trauma. Haven’t spoken to a friend in a few years? The benefit of the Internet and social media is that one can feel like they still know a person they have not seen in a while due to viewing their online pictures and posts. Don’t be afraid to make contact again. Being around fresh minds and faces can shine some light on your self-image.
  7. Read a Self-Help Book. Ebooks, Nooks and Kindles have made it possible to read in a variety of inexpensive ways. If your mind wanders while reading the book, pick up another until you resonate with one.

Taking these steps to rebuild yourself after a traumatic, life-changing experience is a step in the right direction.  It takes courage and determination to move forward and as women, we have that drive. Slowly over time the wounds will heal and keeping up with your self-image is extremely important to help those wounds heal.

For Divorce Support and Divorce Coaching, please contact Nick Meima, founder of the nationally-recognized company, After Divorce Support.

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Participating in the 10-Week Rebuilding Program

Should I participate in the 10-week Rebuilding program? This is a question we hear from people going through the challenges of a relationship ending. Many wonder when the right time is to begin healing and participating in the 10-week program.

It’s never too early to begin rebuilding your life. Starting over is challenging in so many ways and by committing to Rebuilding your life step-by-step, you’ll find it’s likely that you won’t struggle for long.

Unfortunately, most people stop their process before it even starts.

It isn’t easy to allow ourselves to feel our emotions, so most people try to numb them away. Instead of reaching out for support, they prolong their suffering and remain locked in a “holding  pattern.”  As a result, they get stuck in anger, resentment, grief, loneliness, depression and a perpetual state of being the victim.

If we are physically injured, we would immediately seek medical care. Going through the loss of a relationship is arguably more profound and painful than most physical injuries. It requires a lot of support, adjustment and information. We had an identity as being married or having a partner and now we need to go through a prolonged period to “re-identify” ourselves.

I’ve have had some group members begin our 10-week Rebuilding program within days of their relationship ending; others have waited until the pain of coping on their own was just t0o much to deal with. Wherever you are in your journey, by the end of 10 weeks, with the support and encouragement of facilitators, volunteers and class members, everyone who attends does a great deal of healing. You’ll regain your sense of humor and optimism and you’ll develop a new sense of stability.

When there is a significant wound, physical or emotional, the time to begin the healing process is now. The Rebuilding program will help you heal.

Consider taking our complimentary self-test to discover where you are on the path to emotional healing and well-being.

Please call me, Nick Meima, at any time, to talk about where you are on your path. I’d really like to help ease your transition.

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Surviving or Thriving! Your Choice!

Surviving divorce is one of the most difficult, stressful, confusing, chaotic and painful times in life. Getting through the process is challenging and has many ups and downs.

  • Some people go into denial
  • blame
  • shame
  • or they start numbing – using: alcohol, exercise, TV, social media, pornography, overeating

All in an effort to just get through the day.

The problem is that pain and confusion don’t go away. Numbing just intensifies your struggle. Thriving is possible after a divorce if you confront the issues that led you to divorce head-on.

Surviving divorce means asking hard questions

  • How did I contribute to the relationship not working?
  • What got in the way of my giving my best to the relationship?
  • If I chose the wrong person, what do I need to learn to ensure that I don’t make the same mistakes?
  • How can I get through this and become stronger emotionally?
  • How can I give my best to my kids and to my work while I am going through my relationship ending?

I offer tools, techniques and ways to help you work through the end of a relationship. We work together so that you don’t wind up (or stay in) what we call “victim” consciousness or VC. VC generally indicates that you’re blaming someone else, you’re struggling with forgiving yourself, or you just can’t seem to move on with your life.

Learn, heal and grow while surviving divorce

  • In the Rebuilding Seminar, we help people avoid depression, acute anxiety, chemical dependency and other addictions.
  • In the seminar or via individual sessions we offer ways that lead to self- awareness, self-compassion and higher self-esteem.
  • A Rebuilding Seminar leads you toward stability, more understanding and ultimately to a satisfying and fulfilling life in which thriving and growing are obvious indicators of positive change.

Consider that there really are ways you can learn which involve learning, healing, growing, and gaining more knowledge and awareness which will allow you to create the life you want versus trying to minimize the effects of being a victim and living a life no one would ever want

Rebuild your Life

Please join us for a Rebuilding Seminar. We offer individual coaching, group workshops, online classes and in-person group sessions. We refer to the best-selling book Rebuilding-When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher and we’ve helped thousands of people walk through the struggles of divorce with more ease and confidence than they ever could have imagined.